Dwarves and DiVinci
by InkHeartWriter
Summary: Artemis is preparing to pull of on of the greatest art hiests in history stealing the world famous Mona Lisa from the Louvre. With the help of exLEP convict Mulch Diggums, and his trusty assistants Butler and Juliet, the grand feat may just be possible.


**Dwarves and Divinci**

BELOW THE LOUVRE MUSEUM PARIS FRANCE.

Mulch Diggums was sitting about five meters below the great glass pyramid of the Louvre Museum in Paris, preparing to break into one of the most secure buildings in France. Mulch may have been a skilled burglar with several great heists under his belt, but the thought of going back into the museum made his stomach bubble more than usual.

He had been there once before on an unsuccessful burglary mission to steal the famous _Mona Lisa,_ by Leonardo Da Vinci. This was not because Mulch particularly liked art; but rather that the painting would undoubtedly sell for a good chunk of gold. Last time he had attempted it, a bubble of dwarf gas had accidentally erupted from Mulch's rear, nudging a stone statue just enough to push it into a laser and set off an alarm. Mulch had escaped the human police, but Foaly, the lower elements police technical engineer, had put two and two together and sent the LEP to collect him. This just so happened to be on the very day Holly Short had been kidnapped by Artemis Fowl. Actually, it was because of the mudboy that Mulch was yet again attempting to steal the near priceless piece of art.

After the fall of the goblin revolution, the LEP had given Mulch a two-day head start. During his new freedom, Mulch had decided that he would track the WorldWide Jewelry Show. Then he had received the call from Artemis

So now Mulch was sitting in his tunnel, listening to Artemis speaking in his ear through the ear-piece of a stolen LEP helmet.

"Now Mulch, I ran a scan of the guards on duty, and calculated how much time you have. I also relocated some cameras…"

"Look MudBoy, all I need are the coordinates of the case so that I can get to it from down here."

"I realize that, but the chances of you running into a guard or even a tour group are higher than 50, and even if you _can_ sense their vibrations, I would feel better if we knew exactly where everyone was. Now, Butler is waiting in the East Wing to distract and roaming guards with some well planned questions, and Juliet is outside in the car. Listen to me Mulch," the youth paused mid sentence, almost as if he could sense that his burglar had just rolled his eyes. "As soon as you have the painting, I want you to go straight to the van, understood? None of your little side trips."

"OK, OK, fine. Now, how long do I have?"

"If my calculations are correct, which they usually are…" More eye-rolling from Mulch. "Then you have a 4.5 minute window _exactly_. That should be just enough time for me to short-circuit the sensors with the bugs I had installed in the security booth on my last visit to the museum."

"All right. You're starting to sound like Foaly. And by the way, you best hope the centaur doesn't find out about this. Now, what are the coordinates?"

Seconds later, a 3D grid map popped up in the screen of the dwarf's visor. There was a red X marking the painting's case, four thin purple lines marking the paths of the laser sensors. They criss-crossed the painting's face, and several were pointed outward and stopped on a yellow line that was painted on the floor of the museum, but which also showed up in Mulch's helmet. "So all I have to is chew a hole through the floor up there…"

"After I short out the circuits." Artemis interjected.

"Yeah, Right. So then I melt the glass, grab the picture, and high tail it out of there?"

"It's slightly more complex then that to rest of us, but for your part, yes."

"Yes, well I only need to know my part." Mulch began moving again, headed in the direction of the painting.

Artemis was sitting alone in the Fowl Study, watching the guards make their rotations. Artemis loved art. He loved discerning the styles of different artists, and admiring the small, seemingly insignificant details that the painters added, which showed their dedication. More than that, Artemis loved the money that could had by selling priceless art to black market traders. Not that he hadn't kept some for himself, but for the most part he didn't keep the art for too long. You never knew. Some museums sprayed their priceless treasures with trackers, which could be brought up on computer monitors, and the thieves tracked down.

Artemis had had his eye on the _Mona Lisa _for some time now, and it had taken him only a week to produce a plan. Reaching Mulch had been a more difficult matter.

The dwarf had been in Australia when Artemis had called. Apparently he had just been visiting an old friend, but considering the fact that the WorldWide Jewelry Show was in Sydney for the week, Artemis had to doubt his story. But the dwarf had come.

"ARTY! Will you come down here a minute?" Angeline Fowl's voice rang up the stairs.

Artemis sighed. Sometimes he wished his mother was still locked up in her room like a reclusive cat. He groaned and walked to the base of the stairs. He descended slowly, his mind still upstairs with his computers.

" Artemis, your father and I are going out to dinner. Would you care to join us? I haven't seen Butler or Juliet all day, so I don't know who would cook for you if you stay home."

" It's alright Mother. I'm in the middle of a school report upstairs, so I don't think I'll have anything to eat anyway. You have a good time."

Artemis turned to walk back up the carved wooden staircase, and heard his mother sigh behind him. He didn't turn back; He could not bare to look at the disappointment in her eyes. He wanted to go with them, but he had to stay home to spearhead his operation.

Artemis continued up the steps, lost in thought, when his moblie phone vibrated in his pocket. Butler's voice came through at the other end.

" Yes, Butler?"

" Artemis?"

" Who else could this possibly be?" Artemis was suspicious. Why had Butler asked who it was? " Is something wrong?"

" Maybe. I can't get a hold of Mulch. He's either just not answering me, or something's happened to our communications."

" I'll go and check the status of his helmet. But he very well may have disconnected it for concentration."

"All right. " …. The other line went dead as Butler hung up. Artemis hurried back up to his computers, and pulled up Mulch's com. link a new window.

" Mulch? "

_" _Iv you don mind dis is very divvicult to do." The dwarf's answer was almost incoherent past the mouthful of dirt he most likely had.

" I take it by now your under the painting? I'm going to shut down the lasers. Be ready to move fast." Artemis closed the link without waiting for an answer. He redialed on his cell phone. The number rang only once. " Butler, be ready."

_" _Rodger, Artemis." Artemis expertly shut the mobile with one hand, ending the call.

_Well_, he thought, _the game is on._


End file.
